Much Ado about Mandy

This entry is actually my old blog from my former myspace account... a glimpse into a few years of my life, my mind, and my random thoughts. i tell it like it is. my mouth sometimes harsh.... the entries get older as you read thru them - ending at the beginning. but it's me. ALL ME. :)

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Thursday, June 12, 2008
today
Current mood: indescribable
today, 364 days ago doesn't seem that far behind me. in an empty room i was grasping onto every bit of possible hope. the thickness of uncertainty, anticipation, and fear of the unknown surrounded me. my scattered thoughts circled each other, intertwined with my emotions, and were simply unable to be gathered and understood quick enough, as the inevitable hand of time was slowly making its way through the day, at a pace not fast enough for my mind. the ticking. it was slowly numbing my last bit of lingering hope as it left a trail of doubt and sadness for me to ponder yet some more. the exchange of words that often sailed above my head left me alone for hours to make some sort of understanding of this all. no answers, no
reasons...and the ticking droned on as i restlessly rested. i layed there and prayed. my longing for some sense of normalcy was suddenly followed by the realization that this indeed was just that. this was life. i didn't feel the need to sort it all out and try to understand it anymore. my tears fell into a puddle of renewed stability and a welcomed sense of security. my hands were naturally wrapped around the perfect roundness of my belly... the soothing flutters beneath them, my reassurance. and i slept.

tomorrow, 365 days ago will seem much too far away. i layed there emotionless as my body was quickly giving in. the ticking turned to clicking as a woman came in and walked over to me. standing before me, this stranger, with a look of compassion on her face, sighed as our eyes met and locked for a moment. i covered my face with my hands and i cried.

...time was moving too quickly for my mind to catch up. and i layed there with my hands naturally wrapped around the perfect roundness of my belly...the soothing flutters beneath them, my reassurance. and i prayed. through each painful surge, i
cherished the moment i had been blessed with. through tears and pain i focused on the miraculous life within me, who in four and a half long months had quickly found her way to my heart and would soon be taken from me. and for the next few hours we
held on to all that we had, as long as we could..each other. through an emotionally and physically painful labor, i held on to the unexplainable bond between a mother and child as long as i could. her heart stopped, my world stood still, and she
silently entered this world. and with her tiny little hand wrapped perfectly around my finger, i closed my eyes and cried as i thanked God for what he had given to me.

Briar Lucille - June 13, 2005

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two years ago today, that was my blog. ..i'll always remember every moment...the pain, the heartache, the confusion,

unfairness, and sadness. but as i sit here today..i'm ok. i remember the look of her beautiful face, her nose, her lips, her fingers and toes. she was the tiniest bit of perfection that i have ever seen. and she was mine...my beautiful daughter.

today i simply remember the love that i felt as i held her in my arms..and i smile.

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Tuesday, March 18, 2008
eighteen oh eight
Current mood: chill
the morning that distantly enveloped me an hour ago was simply bleak, foggy, washed out, exhausted, motionless, and pretty much just THERE.

i do not like that.

freshly fallen snow gently resting on each branch of a statuesque and barren tree..and that split second that one of the branches decides to empty its arms and let it all drop and plop. the little buds and flowers that begin to fill the branches much like the freckles that appear and take over my face..encouraging the anticipation and beauty of spring so religiously. the green of the leaves against the blue of the sky. the sun peeking through that one little spot. the leaves as they tire, dry up and go crunch. the roots that cover the ground like a road map..randomly exposing themselves, but choosing to stay concealed for the most part...leaving their designs below a mystery to the mind. finding the smallest trickle of water along a path somewhere...and discovering there is an almost pointless little bridge that goes along with it. the sun going down. the sun coming up. the warmth of the rain in the first few moments it drops and the sigh of relief when it wraps up its release. i love the view of the moon as i lay and look up...all that it hides and all that it knows. ...as the hour moved on,the fog did too and the morning regained it’s confidence.

i like things like this.

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Saturday, March 15, 2008
1 minutes 25 second rant.
i’ve had a myspace account for way too long. but yet, i cannot figure out facebook. in fact, i’m pretty sure i HATE facebook. i’m on facebook. you can add me...but i dont even know how to telll you to find me. all i want to do is send my friends on facebook a beer. and it’s gonna cost me $1?? wtf? i just went to billy frogs for happy hour and got myself a few tall drafts for $1.50. i’m not paying $1 for a virtual beer. sorry pals. feel free to ring the bell at 53rd street and i’ll hand you a cold one. FOR FREE.

much myspace love.

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Wednesday, February 20, 2008
captured innocence.
Current mood: voluminous
I

love

capturing

the

moment.

over

and over

again.

with a click.

Check out my latest little projects...they are simply adorable.

http://picasaweb.google.com/takearight/TeiganAndAvrilFeb08?authkey=ZcKW_ak4mPs

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Tuesday, December 11, 2007
(imnotta) flake
Current mood: contemplative
there is something about the beauty of white sparkles for miles. trees that stand frozen in time...a colorful black and white view. comforting echoes. a calming chill in the air. and the imperfections that it can hide so well. snow...i love the snow until it's been stepped on, splashed on, shoveled, packed down, and dirtified by mankind. thats when my pleasant thoughts of snow turn to sludge.

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Saturday, October 13, 2007
sssssssssssssssssssss..................
i almost stepped on a snake today at the Palisades. i did the girlie scream, and the arm thing. I DID THE ARM THING. i have never done either before..but the ARM thing..how lame.

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Friday, October 12, 2007
garden hoppin’ - japenese style
Current mood: happy
today is absolutely beautiful! upon waking up (i slept until 10, thanks guys for playing so nice this morning!), i made my coffee, of course, and opened the sliding door to the deck. the sun POURED in and we were outta here no more than 30 minutes later...

October 12, 2007. Japenese Gardens. Sioux Falls South Dakota.

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5 minute rant.
just a few weeks after our 1 year warranty for all our household appliances, ect, expires...it all breaks, of course! first off..if you've ever purchased the warranty when buying a home, it's a ripoff, we all know this-they don't cover shit, but yet we've purchased it TWICE now..each time we've bought a home. of course we didn't renew it when they called and asked...and that, i think, is where karma bit us in the ass..

i just went to nuke my cup of coffee that i forgot i poured about a hour ago or so...microwave died. just freaking DIED as i pushed start. last week we didn't have water for a night-the little turny thing down int he storage room by the water just
broke..spun in circles and was stuck to OFF. nice! well that was a cheap fix, but it doesn't stop there...we have lame hot water pressure..a friend fixed it-for a day..now it's back to drip drip drop. our dishwasher completely puked and died a
good 2 weeks ago..and now it stinks-even though i have it locked shut and will stay that way until we are able to replace it. my 'surface units' light on my stovetop will not shut off..there isn't a single surface unit on..but it's been this way for
a good week. sometimes, on a really crappy day the oven door doesn't even open, and sometimes.it just won't close. i think that's it..oh wait, the garbage disposal decided to completely crack and fall apart as well...making it unusable. so my
fridge is grand..so is the toaster. want to come over for some toast and jelly? broccoli? or cold soup?

this sucks.

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Sunday, October 07, 2007
do you realize?
Current mood: peaceful
october 6 was it. teetering on the edge of early afternoon, i offered her a beer. ..her offer was far better, so the boys and i packed a cooler, brought the bikes, some bug spray and some sunscreen. the boys all make the short trek around to the penninsula and played, explored, had mushroom wars, threw sticks, rocks, and waded in the water...in the meantime, back on the deck, there we were--just feet from the pond...laying under the sun, all oiled up...doing what we do quite well together ---drinking cold beer...for hours on end - watching, listening, laughing, chatting, and enjoying OCTOBER. we knew it would eventually end and sunday would bring us back to reality...but the setting sun was perfect, and our tan lines provided a stamp of approval as we shimmied back into our shorts, grabbed the beer, and went straight for the hot tub. yesterday was the best. who knows what today will bring as i put on a pair of jeans and a hoodie and walk out into the crisp october chill that i love so much.

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Sunday, July 29, 2007
somewhere..
Current mood: pleased
in the middle of..well, nothing...outside of sioux falls, and several miles north and east of a town bearing a 'population 70' sign on it's street, is this place...

everything is so peaceful and serene..even the echoes of your voice bouncing from rock to rock are soothing to the soul. balancing rock... a few shorter paths with endless possibilites. i love seeing the excitement as he leads us from path to trail, to 'maybe a trail' as we weave our way through nature. he loves to see, explore, find, and climb. as we slowly made our way back..we were sidetracked by the water..so we took off our shoes and socks and waded in to cool off from a few hours of aimless wandering. ryker found a big shell, and obviously claimed it as 'mine'...brecken decided it should be cracked open..and shared...

a beautiful day, indeed. July 28, 2007. The Palisades State Park.

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Tuesday, July 24, 2007
?
i am having a difficult day today, that is all. i need a hug.

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Saturday, July 21, 2007
friday evening.
Current mood: content
it was such a beautiful evening...there was no other option but to enjoy the outdoors.

disclaimer: i have boys. boys=dirty. i have a 4yr old. 4yr old=loves to express his desire for his own independence when it comes to his appearance..from picking out his own clothes (most of the time does a great job..this day, not so well) to
taking care of his own hair-or choosing not too.

Breck picked a picnic table on the far edge of the park...perfect! just far enough away to enjoy a great view of the commotion of the karate class ceremony going on in the picnic shelter, the wandering folks on the bike path, and the kids dashing and darting every whichway on the play equipment without being smack in the middle of it. Of course, the boys couldn't sit for long so we grabbed our turkey and cheese sandwiches and headed down the path and took the first right for a better view.

Brecken insisted that he follow one path (with ryker close behind him of course), and I follow my own separate one..we saw some geese out following each other around as well...we slowly worked our way down to a little bridge...and decided to stop and smile for a picture. despite the stops for pebbles in our shoes, dirt in our eyes, checking out milkweed plant after milkweed plant and questions ta boot, we made it to a good rock throwing spot along the river. the boys have always loved throwing rocks in the river..and now is something we would never dare to forget to spend a few minutes doing if the river is nearby. the sun was just about to begin it's descent, so we walked across the path back to the park and spent the rest of the evening on slides, monkey bars, and all the other fun stuff you find at a playground. I even caught Ryker (a.k.a Mr. Particular), picking rocks out from between his toes...i missed the 'foot in mouth' moment though as he tried to use his teeth! haha and the best picture of the night...he took it upon himself to brave it and slide down his first pole after many attempts all summer, where he'd end up standing there, thinking, and walking away..i'm glad i had the camera..what a face! this picture is pricless :)

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Friday, June 22, 2007
monotony made my night
Current mood: sleepy
my dream last night simply consisted of drinking glass after glass of ice cold water. seriously, it dragged on for hours and that is the only thing i dreamed about...and then i woke up and drank 3 more glasses. and you know..it was kinda nice having nothing on my mind except quenching my thirst...i think it was quite possibly the most relaxing dream i've had in my entire life.

cheers!

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Wednesday, June 13, 2007
threading the bobbin
Current mood: irritated
it's the thirteenth of june - ...watch out, i'm going to go break out the sewing machine and be productive. if you get my way, i may give you a brand new seam., and i'll be sure to sew it up reeeeeal tight so that it burns and bleeds. .steer clear.
wow, that wasn't very nice. but what would life be like with all lovely thoughts? ..it would be kinda plastic and taut..sort of like the infamous woman who's had far too many bad face surgeries that she now looks like a cat with horrible allergies. maybe just leaving me alone today would be a good idea. better yet, i think i sholud be the one to keep my distance from everyone else today..i'l take the initiative. it's only fair. on another note..nothing beats a 2am grocery run and loading up the cart to the top, overflowing out the sides and falling off the bottom. if you haven't done it..i highly suggest it. it's relaxing. but then again..life in the early morning hours is fabulous no matter what you're doing - usually. unless you're stitching up someone's mouth simply because the day isn't going so well. i prefer to continue being kinda upset for the rest of the day, but i'll put the needles and thread away tomorrow, i promise.

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Thursday, May 31, 2007
:10
Current mood: crazy
i find that the process of using the last garbage bag in the box is quite odd. and i'll admit, everytime that it happens i am quite amused...take the bag out of the box and then put the box in the bag.

and there you have it - a ten second glimpse right into my mind.

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Wednesday, May 30, 2007
---
Current mood: happy
...

its a day. a day with some frizz in my hair and my mind. but don't worry, i just pinned back my hair and let it go wild, and my mind.....well, it was already there. i stepped into the day just a few hours too soon, it wasn't the best entrance..i could have definitely done better, but it wasn't so bad after i convinced myself that it wasn't. and now i am here - and i'm real gid, and glad that i am, and i can't wait for tomorrow for absolutely no reason at all. i'm smiling and enjoying this moment i have, and i'm glad if you think that thngs are what they are because if you want them to be then there's a chance that they are. and what goes, we don't know, we simply just go. and somehow we end up somewhere we should be.. and now i'm thinking that maybe today wasn't really so bad to begin with, which leads me to realize i'm content with the moment and ready to sleep.

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Tuesday, May 15, 2007
me
Current mood: anxious
the anticipation of who the fuck even knows. can't sit. can't stand. can't walk. can't sleep. can't relax. can't focus. can't wander. can't find a reason for not being able to do any of the above, which in turn freaks me out even more and i do
nothing but continuously try to calm myself down and free my mind and that doesn't work either because it's already free and it's going in every direction except where i want it to be. i'd like my thoughts to sit and chill, but if i tell myself that,
my mind runs rampant and things start to spiral when i realize that i am, indeed, NOT calming down. anxiety is free crack - you determine your own dosage and have no choice but to roll with it until you crash. i don't like it. just say no. for some strange reason..work works. it's one of the best remedies i have found. good thing i work tonite. maybe i should lay off the coffee. like i haven't said that before. we all have vices, but maybe i should choose a new one, you think ? maybe i just need to write more. i haven't been writing lately. maybe i multi-task a bit too much and it overwhelms me to the point where i don't even realize its driving me nuts. or perhaps i'm just human..a mother, a wife, a
sister, a daughter, and a friend. someone who is living, learning, loving, struggling and succeeding......and just needs to lay off the fucking coffee and try to stick to my 'to do' lists a little bit better.

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Saturday, March 17, 2007
fancy a pinch ?
Current mood: cheerful
Category: Friends
happy green day ! i hope you are all falling down drunk, or falling down tryin'. much love.

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Wednesday, February 21, 2007
breathe. sun. air.
Category: Life
smiling. relaxing. enjoying.

digesting. learning. changing.

happiness. truth. grief.

understanding. simplicity.

complexity. correcting. seeing.

offering. aiding. consoling.

living. becoming. believing.

being. me.

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Tuesday, February 06, 2007
'cause you can't see anything from here...
Current mood: grateful
*ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*

a big relaxing sigh as i sit here with a smile enjoying the moment and the sound that surrounds me. that's all.

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Wednesday, January 24, 2007
lost
Current mood: rejuvenated
operation: find the frog

last time seen in his aquarium: sunday, jan 21

noticed it was missing: monday night, jan 22

still gone...and NO, i have not tried to look for it. have you ever come across a DEAD frog in your house when you least expected it ? it's not fun..i've done that THREE times already in the past 2 years. if i stumble upon this little green guy, i'm SURE you will hear me scream alllll the way over there.

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Monday, January 01, 2007
go blue team.
Current mood: nostalgic
i'm not a real big new years person at all. i never get too excited for new years eve and all the festive partying and drunk people that i envision right before the 31st each year, really are unappealing from about Nov 20th thru Dec 31 after i've eaten way too much food, seen way too many christmas lights, seen too many angry red faced shoppers pushing thru the aisles in big winter coats and 8 kids on their backs, wrapped too many gifts in the ugliest of fashion (i'm a bad wrapper..the
folded ends of my wrapped gifts are BAD) stood in line for santa 5 minutes too long (so the wait for santa wasn't bad, and i'm exaggerating a bit and should never complain about waiting for your kids to see santa..even if it does look like he's
totally fucked up and going to the bathroom every 15 minutes or so to puff on it..but man, who cares..he was a wallflower santa, and i liked that)with a real white beard, the cool wire glasses and big ole belly). well okay, so i still managed to find a party and get drunk last night and had a great time doing so! and i read that it's acceptable to have the next year's calendar already bought while still in the current year, but you shouldn't write anything in it until that year has actually begun. i'm really superstitous when it comes to knocking on wood, so why not get superstitous about a calendar...sounds kinda fun. i can't wait to write in it today..now that all that bad luck is behind me. i'm not hungover...what a nice way to start the year. and i need to get some cool whip. i rarely make resolutions. mainly because i forget what they are shortly after i make them. but we did maKe a goal for this year... try to keep cool whip/whipped cream/whateverelseyouwanttocallit in the fridge as often as possible. there was one more we discussed as well. hmmmm, what was it ?? it's a good thing i wrote them down..i knew i'd forget what they were. hold on, i'll go check the front of the fridge where i hung mydocumention..................................................fresh flowers. have fresh flowers in the house as often as possible. especially white ones. they are soothing to the soul no matter what color the wall is behind them.

it's 9:20 and i'm awake before my kids...this is great ! it IS going to be a wonderful day. the sun is out, the snow is here, i'm not at work, the falls are flowing in full force, and the kids are going to be able to wear snow pants today...how can you not laugh, or at least smile as you watch a kid walk around in snowpants. SO. FUNNY. much happiness in 2007.

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Saturday, December 23, 2006
yikes.
i sneezed as i was laying down in bed last night..and this is what i saw (minus the bright glow around it)...while my eyes were closed .weird....

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Thursday, December 14, 2006
a thing that makes me go hmmmmmmm.
my computer makes a strangely quiet computerized barely audible scratching noise when i scroll my mouse. i wonder why...

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Thursday, December 14, 2006
Q&A
Current mood: happy
brecken brecken brecken...

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mom: do you know who that baby in the manager is ? (i was pointing to our nativity scene) ?

breck: baby zeevuz.

me: zeevuz ?

breck: yep, zeevuz.

HAHAHAHA

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Saturday, December 09, 2006
some things are just not meant to be.
and me being a pet owner is one of them. we ditched the pug about a year ago because he was a crackhead and always stood up onto your legs, getting your pants dirty (okay, so maybe that wasn't a reason we got rid of him, but it should have been). so now we have a frog who lives in his own place. another frog who lives with a light blue colored lobster, some cichlids, and some other weird fish, an algae eater guy and some last-fish-standing feeder goldfish. the boys and i went to get some crickets for the green frog that lives by himself since he was in need. i have never bought crickets before, nor tried to take them out of the bag. well..i think i killed most of them before i even got them into the house. i left them in the car, outside..and i live in south dakota. a few hours later while posting to laurie, i remembered those damn crickets that i left in the car ! so i found them in the backseat where the kids had them...there weren't too many of them moving. i bought 2 dozen..and the few that were moving, barely really were moving at all. dammit ! but..now that i think about it..maybe the kids killed them first with all their shaking of the plastic blowed up bag the store clerk put them in. either way..our crickets are mostly dead. i'm not meant to keep pets. that's why i'm really looking forward to the robot one we are about to acquire. it should be pretty self-sufficient.

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Wednesday, December 06, 2006
me.
Current mood: content
someone asked the question last week...'what are your quirks ?' i think it's a great question...but even better, i like to hear peoples answers. i have lots of quirks. i'll tell you some of mine, if you tell me some of yours. fair ? i think so.

* i play with my hair almost every time that i'm sitting or standing still. i don't pull my hair out, i just take a small strand and twirl it...and drag my fingers down it. over and over again. ANNOYING !

*i knock on wood. all the time ! three times...and if i can't find wood, anything else will do.

*i am afraid of the dark when i'm home alone. mostly when the window shades aren't down. i always swear that i see a guy standing outside of it staring at me and i get this paranoid feeling that as i'm shutting the shades he's going to start pounding and going ape on the window...scaring the shit out of me.

*i have issues with food and how it's prepared. i'm so picky with meat. and pizza crust. i despise ham, and worse than the smell of it is the taste...and worse than the taste, is the texture. i once gagged just picking up ham to make my kids a ham
and cheese sandwich. notice i said ONCE..i won't be making ham sandwiches again anytime soon.

*when i send a letter in the mail, i almost always end up redoing the envelope at least twice. either i mess something up, or i just don't like how i wrote it. weird, i know.

*i don't like it when the garage door is up. i just don't like it.

*when i'm home in the evenings/nights i am going thru my head, wondering if all 4 doors to access the house are locked. i double, triple, and whatever-iple the doors all the time.

*i don't like chocolate. but i eat it sometimes. sometimes i even crave it in the form of a candy bar, m&m's or reeces pieces. but not very often. and remember..i don't even like chocolate. i can't figure it out...

*i get panicky when i see a brown squirrel. i may try to hide my panic, but i'm secretly scared shitless.

*i suck at math. i use my fingers to add small numbers. there, i admitted it.

*i write myself little notes to remember something, and lose the paper i wrote it on within minutes..almost every time.

*i fall asleep during almost every single movie that i watch.

...that's all for now. your turn.

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Friday, December 01, 2006
rant
Current mood: hungry
there is too much ado about nothing when it comes to holidays.

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Thursday, October 26, 2006
and so we wait.
Current mood: touched
the eldery man looks over to his wife sitting next to him, smiles and sighs. she smiles back and quietly chuckles as they wait for their name to be called. the elderly man sighs again. his wife chuckles again..still smiling. the look they shared with each other was a conversation in itself.

the elderly man (says to his wife after gazing in her direction for awhile): well, i suppose we could talk about where we'd like to go for coffee today...

his wife (chuckling once again, says to her husband in her quiverish old lady voice): well, yahhh, i suppose we could do that.

the eldery man to his wife: the arches in this pair of shoes really seem to bother my right foot...blah blah blah. (nothing at all about coffee).

............image a day that is consumed with doctor appointments, coffee breaks, mindless conversation, time to spare, and a constant companion. growing old.............i couldn't help but smile as i nonchalantly took note of the pleasantly content old people across the room, as i too, waited for my name to be called.

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Monday, October 23, 2006
twelve o ten.
you know something is off when it's 12 oh ten and you have a 1/2 filled wine glass on your computer desk and one on your kitchen counter..just as full.

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Sunday, October 22, 2006
3OF30
third...

i will not say the word 'fuck' more than five times a day (but i can think it as often as i would like).

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Wednesday, September 27, 2006
the carnival.
one day a frog was going to the town fair. he was very excited because it was going to be his very first time at any fair !!! he was going to go to the fair with a very dear friend named toad. toad said that at a fair there was candy, popcorn, rides, parades, and many others. frog was ready. he called up his friend the toad and off they went to the fair.

AT BARNS FAIR

'frog, lets go on the ferris wheel !' said toad.

'sure, but don't go too fast!' frog said.

'don't worry, i don't control the wheel.' toad said.

the two friends went hand in hand to the big wheel. they enjoyed the fair very much. they had the best day of their lives!

--story be ME...long long long long ago. back in the day of the TYPEWRITER.

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Tuesday, September 19, 2006
yeah !
Current mood: optimistic
i know you can make it 10 days...you've already done 8.

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Saturday, September 09, 2006
number two.
2 of 30.

i will send out a postcard, or just some form of snail mail in general, to a friend or family member at least twice a month. everyone loves receiving mail that doesn't come with a 'return this portion with payment' section at the top or bottom. do you realize a postage stamp now cost 39 cents ? i didn't..until last week.

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Wednesday, September 06, 2006
...reach out and touch the day.
Current mood: hungry
30 positive changes in life as the 2 flips to a 3, and stays that way for the next 10 years.

number one: i will make a conscious effort to purchase and try new things from the natural foods store instead of simply just saying that i want to do it. a healthier happier body sounds alright to me.

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Tuesday, August 29, 2006
break stuff !
Current mood: okay
there is a good reason why i never take the time to nap during the day (aside from the obvious...time is of essence). yesterday i had put aside my time issue, postponed some things, and just decided to suck it up and nap to try to ditch the headache i had. it took me awhile to fall asleep..not used to this, you know..and my mind likes to wander, and it does so quite quickly. i managed a grand total of maybe 21 minutes of sleep, after being woke up 5 minutes into my REM state by a bigass oscar fish ramming his entire self into the side of a 45 gallon aqaurium and then proceed to freak out for a good minute, in turn freaking ME out, and then falling back asleep only to sit straight up to the sound of a lot of shit being
broken. what ???? a house. a freaking HOUSE...i looked out my dining room window and there goes the roof of the house around the corner from mine, a few walls, and then the back porch. an hour later the one next to it goes down. WHAT THE HELL ?
and that is the reason why i seldom waste my time with a nap. i must admit though..breaking the shit out of a house and turning it to rubble would be great fun. i hear him out there now-finishing what he started yesterday...i should go play some limp bizkit for the dude..

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Monday, August 21, 2006
8.21.06
whoever the fuck thinks that wonder woman has a kickass job, needs to rethink things a bit. i have her job. i am ready to quit her job and be done with all the highly expected and usually unappreciated overtime being a superhero entails. for so long i've been buried. but what about myself ? i seem to keep just peeking in and aealize that i've gotten myself here when i should be over there...and i stop. and think. and then quit peeking in and just deal with it. WHY? i am such a strong
person...so why am i so quick to hide behind my own strength and give too much of myself to the point where it's not me that matters most in my life anymore ? i don't even know the answer. i know it's not a new thing for my mind to grasp..i've let go before and that first breath was so absolutely satisfactory to the soul. it's not the fear of being free..free to just fucking live. it's the fear of getting myself to that point while having two other beings undertoe watching my every step, keeping my head up for them, and providing for them-while taking myself for a whirl and a half. i feel as though time is drilling me further into my own four walls..i'm living in my own mental mindfuck. it's about time i make my life what it should be and quit hiding behind everyone elses neediness and insecurities. i can't wait to take the next breath, because at this point i don't see another option more fitting.

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Wednesday, August 09, 2006
ARRRRRRRRR !
and, that is all.

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.randomness.
i'm freckly. and i like it. and being a freckly person means that i'm bound to have a few freckles that stand out from the rest, or are strategically placed on my body to ensure they are more noticable than the rest. one is directly under my right eye and is commonly confused with 'a masacara smudge'. the other 'stand out's... eh, doesn't matter where they are. btw, did you know that 'Breck' means 'freckled'. I hope he gets his mom's dots...how cool would that be. and grandpa mitch would like it too.

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Monday, August 07, 2006
(( * ))
st. anthony, st. anthony,
please come around.
something is missing.
and needs to be found.

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Monday, July 31, 2006
12x12
Current mood: awake
i started around Eight. and focused on finishing Twelve before Twelve. at One Oh Nine i finished my Twelfth. close..so close. and i do think that Twelfth and Twelve are such odd words. both visually and verbally odd.

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Saturday, July 15, 2006
a truth to be told.
i love my kids ! the two best things i have ever been given. rock on...my boys are the best. now...where are they?!

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Friday, July 14, 2006
rise. and shine. and well, i'm not sure what should come next..
Current mood: indifferent
NO !!! i made a pact with myself as i set my alarm that i WILL NOT hit snooze...not even once. i was determined to get up at 5:20 or something like that, drink a cup of coffee and go for a nice 4-5 mile run so i can avoid the heat later in the day. i hit snooze THREE times this morning. around 5:47 i finally kicked my own ass and got out of bed, drank my coffee, updated my ipod since it is constantly locking up and throwing out error messages at me (yes, my FIFTH ipod is now malfunctioning), peed (a MUST for me immediately before i go run..hahaha), i head out and get to hear a song..ONE song. and then it locks up. i do not enjoy running when all i can hear is my own breathing, but i had no choice. it was nice out, a
bit muggy, but still nice..so i can't complain too much. but then a brown squirrel stood in my path..i think my entire being froze for a split second..i was sure he was going to attack me, but i closed my eyes and just kept going...so did he. as i
am heading into the last 1/2 mile (getting to the part of my neighborhood that is kinda filthy (both trash and people), a cop turns the corner right before i get to the intersection and stops in the middle of the road. hmmmm, weird... he then
continues on. i round the corner, and run home..an easy three miles was all i had time for because of my lead snooze finger.

i get inside, and for some reason turn around and look out the window. mr. cop guy is driving by my house. the strange part is that when i finally quit hitting snooze this morning and actually woke up, i was in the middle of dream that a cop was at my door, accusing me of something. I DIDN'T DO IT.

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Wednesday, July 12, 2006
flying monkeys !
i have a very small group for daycare today..only 4 kids including my own! so....i decided to take them on a walk to the park this morning to watch the children's theatre perform The Wizard of Oz. as you probably already know, i love the wizard
of oz. So i get out the wagon and load 3 kids in that and breck is on his bike. we get to the corner of minnesota and 22nd and wait at the stoplight. i hear someone mumbling in a car in the turning lane but think nothing of it b/c i always can
hear people chatting in their cars at the stoplight if their windows are down, and i assumed this man was just talking to someone in the passenger seat. then i hear, 'hey. hey. kids. where are you going?' and some more mumbling. 'are you going to the park?' the light turns green and we cross. he turns and goes around the block. we get to the next intersection (just a stop sign) and he is waiting. he doesn't go. he waits for us to cross, pulls over to the side. puts his head out the window and watches us walk and turns around the block again. this man was like fucking 70-80 yrs old, white hair. PERVERT ! what the fuck does an old man want with little kids. i get to the park and look around the crowds of people for his old tan van. i didn't see him. thank god. the play ....it was a pretty cute show, despite the fact i'm looking around the side streets most of the time for Mr. Pervo. Needless to say, we took a different route home. fucking old men. i swear if i see him in my neighborhood again i'll walk up to his van , punch him, and then call the cops on his nasty ass. there was an old man arrested in the same park earlier this summer (a very well known park in a nice neighborhood), for sitting there getting off as he watched kids play. so i'm extra cautious with any old fucker talking to, staring at, or following me or my kids.

by the way...the lion, scarecrow, and the tinman rescued Dorothy. PHEW! we were all so worried that the wicked witch would keep her trapped forever! hahaha

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Tuesday, July 11, 2006
sizzle sizzle gulp gulp
it is supposed to be 100 degrees this weekend, and i'm going to be outdoors at JazzFest. Bring on the beer. a nice tan (fingers crossed for no burn)...and imagine how many chicks will have on next to nothing for clothes?! hahaha i bet there will be many guys attending. and not for the free music... i better bring my camera.

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Sunday, July 09, 2006
well, hi !
.sunday.

1. it's already 7:21 a.m. it doesn't matter how early i get up, the morning passes by much too quickly on a beautiful day ! i woke up around 5:45 and decided it was time for coffee and a quiet morning..but i couldn't find Ryker. i looked everywhere..threw my blankets off the bed, no Ryk..double checked his bed, no Ryk...checked Breck's bed, no Ryk..checked the couch, the recliner, the floor, the kitchen...the kitchen? not sure why, but i did (before even checking in the basement, where there is an entire other couch, piles of blankets and TOYS). no Ryk..i ran back upstairs and for some reason looked on the floor between my bed and the wall and there is Ryker..sleeping on his belly, wrapped up in a blanket. hahaha so i left him. not even 20 minutes later i hear, 'maammmm!' 'maaaammmm!' (he kinda sounds like a sheep when he yells for me). ..he's stuck under my bed. that kid is a hoot and a holla, i tell ya. so there went my quiet morning. so now the little punk is sitting here on my lap, arms behind his head, just chillin' and nodding his head along with the Shins as he watches me type SO FREAKING FAST, because i'm good like that.

2. yesterday morning i took the boys to the zoo for a birthday party for a black Rhino who turned one (strange to have a party for a Rhino, yes..which is why we went). ..and Ryker puked all over himself before the boys could even get a bite of
their cake. at least they got goodie bags, complete with animal tattoos and one was even of the name of the zoo (dumb). we get home after not being able to find any paper towels or napkins, and Brecken wanted the shark tattoo on his forearm, so i
put it there for him. he looks at it and says, 'this zoo doesn't even HAVE a shark.we don't have any elephants either.' haha he's funny. yeah, Brecken..someday you'll realize that this zoo sucks. unless you like various antelope, about 4 different type of emu and ostrich, a molting camel, a lot of ducks and birds, and a train ride with nothing to view.

3. i need more coffee...and ryker is peeling my fingers from the keys. i think he's bored. i don't blame him..this is a boring blog entry. i'm going to go for a run, and hopefully the rest of my day is consumed with sunshine, a nice tan, and a beautiful day at the pool. ...and no puke.

peace, love, and much happiness.

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.able.
Current mood: aggravated
i have quickly grown to dislike this word. have you ever heard anyone overuse it? pitching it into every other sentence that comes out of their mouth? am i able to post this with no problems? able able able. i want to delete this word from
existence. forever and ever...if only i was able.

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Friday, June 30, 2006
a 2:14 p.m. thought.
i love the sun. the water. the parks. the bike path. the dirt trails with cattails and milkweed and cool rocks. i love my freckles. the early mornings and the evenings. i love the coming and going of people everywhere. i love the noise. i love the quiet. bbq'ing my veggies. growing my own veggies. growing plants and flowers. mowing the yard. watching the kids play. playing with them. i love the outdoors. and summer. and i tend to panic when i think it will be winter in a few short months.

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Monday, June 12, 2006
.a mother's love.
today, 364 days ago doesn't seem that far behind me. in an empty room i was grasping onto every bit of possible hope. the thickness of uncertainty, anticipation, and fear of the unknown surrounded me. my scattered thoughts circled each other, intertwined with my emotions, and were simply unable to be gathered and understood quick enough, as the inevitable hand of time was slowly making its way through the day, at a pace not fast enough for my mind. the ticking. it was slowly numbing my last bit of lingering hope as it left a trail of doubt and sadness for me to ponder yet some more. the exchange of words that often sailed above my head left me alone for hours to make some sort of understanding of this all. no answers, no
reasons...and the ticking droned on as i restlessly rested. i layed there and prayed. my longing for some sense of normalcy was suddenly followed by the realization that this indeed was just that. this was life. i didn't feel the need to sort it all out and try to understand it anymore. my tears fell into a puddle of renewed stability and a welcomed sense of security. my hands were naturally wrapped around the perfect roundness of my belly... the soothing flutters beneath them, my reassurance. and i slept.

tomorrow, 365 days ago will seem much too far away. i layed there emotionless as my body was quickly giving in. the ticking turned to clicking as a woman came in and walked over to me. standing before me, this stranger, with a look of
compassion on her face, sighed as our eyes met and locked for a moment. i covered my face with my hands and i cried. ...time was moving too quickly for my mind to catch up. and i layed there with my hands naturally wrapped around the perfect
roundness of my belly...the soothing flutters beneath them, my reassurance. and i prayed. through each painful surge, i cherished the moment i had been blessed with. through tears and pain i focused on the miraculous life within me, who in four and a half long months had quickly found her way to my heart and would soon be taken from me. and for the next few hours we held on to all that we had, as long as we could..each other. through an emotionally and physically painful labor, i held on
to the unexplainable bond between a mother and child as long as i could. her heart stopped, my world stood still, and she silently entered this world. and with her tiny little hand wrapped perfectly around my finger, i closed my eyes and cried as
i thanked God for what he had given to me.

Briar Lucille - June 13, 2005

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Sunday, June 11, 2006
it's
Current mood: thankful
breck. because i think he's kinda cute.

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Monday, June 05, 2006
cheese me please.
i made broccoflower tonite. have you ever had it? it was just fine. and quite bright.

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Monday, June 05, 2006
one good thing...
Current mood: sick
about having a cold and cough is that i can sing along with the greatest of ease to the crash test dummies...my normally crazy voice is still crazy but also temporarily super loooowwwwwwww. kinda sexy. haha

Currently listening:
God Shuffled His Feet
By Crash Test Dummies
Release date: 26 October, 1993

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anger. danger. the fury !
Current mood: pissed off
i am wonder woman. to the extreme...hardcore wonder woman. and then some. i'm pissed off, stressed out, frustrated to the max. i'm overwhelmed, overworked, underpaid, underappreciated, used & taken advantage of, and used & taken advantage of some more. why do it when mandy can? keep trying to find my breaking point. YOU WON'T! push me again and again..i won't break. i may crack, but i won't break. the cracks indeed begin to crack, and so do the cracks of the cracks, but you can't break me...i'll simply turn my head the other way, crack, and go.

i need to go listen to some good music, and BREAK STUFF! arrrrrrrrrr! i think i'll go listen to some good music and pull some weeds instead...12 little kids don't need to see me breaking shit at 9:07 a.m.

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Monday, May 29, 2006
- - - - - >
Current mood: groggy
oh look, they do make dance partners for me!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lU6sdCeY1Q8

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Monday, May 22, 2006
last night
Current mood: happy
i got to see the gardner on tv. niceness.

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Monday, May 22, 2006
i
did it.

i ran my personal best in a 5k this Saturday. 22:55. My goal was to run it under 23 minutes. can you see me smiling??? and then......i was so happy that i couldn't seem to drink enough beer. i woke up the next morning not knowing where i was or
how i got there. i lost my purse. i left it at the bar. i got my purse back the next morning...nothing was missing, not even my yummy sour mints. Three cheers for small towns and small town bars. yeah, i had fun. my race kicked ass...so did
the beer.

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Tuesday, May 16, 2006
polish up your klompen...the danish are coming!!!
I love the fact that I grew up in a predominately Dutch community. I find it fascinating that as a child, I never even assumed that I wasn't Dutch.

I'm Danish. Dutch and Danish...a difference that is often nothing more than a tweak here and a tweak there, except I bet the Danish have BEER at their festivals! haha a danish windmill vs. a dutch windmill and danish aebleskiver vs. dutch poffertjes.

don't squint too hard trying to find the differences...

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Saturday, May 13, 2006
i raced for Sheryl Crow, yo!
i just got back from my race. i didn't run as fast as I wanted too, but considering it was COLD, WINDY, and I completely peed my pants while running.... here is my info... oh, and i really did race for Sheryl Crow, i'm not being a smart ass.

We got to wear name plaques on the back or front of our shirts saying either 'i'm racing in honor of...' or 'i'm racing in memory of'. my name plaque shared both Sheryl Crow's name and my grandma's.

http://rabcsf.allsportcentral.com/results/SearchResultsAP.cfm?EventID=12629&RaceID=23918&LName=Dubsky&FName=Mandy&Bib=190&City=Sioux Falls&state=SD

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Friday, May 12, 2006
haha
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMH0bHeiRNg

i think my face is stuck from laughing at this guy... i'm jealous of his skills, yo...but i bet i'm tough competition...

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Monday, May 08, 2006
she's growing a WHAT?
Current mood: optimistic
a pineapple!

it takes two years, roughly, to grow a pineapple. i'm going to attempt it. how fun! just imagine all the visible changes that will take place over two years worth of germination. (can fruits germinate?) ...i can't wait to taste it, when i'm
almost 32.

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Sunday, May 07, 2006
~
Current mood: hopeful
i use ALL free and clear laundry detergent. i think it smells nice...so free and clear. i still don't like doing laundry though. anyone fancy a fold? oooh, that sounds kind of fun. too bad it's NOT. too bad it's nothing even close to being
fun. too bad i don't have a hired girl to fancy my folding. i wonder if i could find a girl to do that? do nothing else for me except fold my laundry and place the piles of clothes in front of the appropriate bedroom? (having her put them away
would freak me out a bit) i would need her to enjoy doing extremely quick, precise, and organized folding/ironing in return for nothing more than a veggie sammmich and baked cheetos. what the fuck am i talking about? i'm babbling...good thing i
just got sidetracked. i'm off to finish my laundry...

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Friday, May 05, 2006
just another reason why tv is bad for your health...
Current mood: working
what has happened? i have the tv on, and happened to sit for 5 minutes and watch... Jenny Jones is on the Early Show, giving healthy cooking tips and making a bundt cake or something. mmmmm, her fruit pizza looks good but Jenny Jones???? The other day I did find myself wondering where she has disappeared to as of late? now i know..making books about cooking and looking just as jenny-ish as ever. how lame...8675309.

btw, since when is 'working' a mood? 'how are you doing today, Mandy?' 'oh, i'm just feeling a little bit working, how about you?'

uh oh, here comes the static.......................................................................................................

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Current mood: devious
i love to cook...and bake. and eat. and drink. and be merry? do you? if so, call 605-275-0651...we can be friends...long time.

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Tuesday, May 02, 2006
the sun, the sun..it's here!
Current mood: amused
I was cleaning up the lunch mess, making up some rhyme (if you could call it that) about pizza sauce, while pointing out the back window at the grass and showing the kids how it looks like it's full of glitter from alll the raindrops, which, of
course, led to me begin chanting a made-up rhyme about the sun coming out. Jacob*, the 5 yr old (the rest of my kids are 3 or younger), says...'i like coming here because it's just sooooo fun. I cried once when I had to come here, but then I got here and....hey, i thought you had a back porch?"

10 minutes later while getting toys picked up before storytime and i'm being my crazy self as we put trains over here, books over there, you know how it goes...

Jacob: Mandy, are you a kid still or a grown up now?

Me: (hahaha i laughed inside and smiled) I'm a mom, Jacob!

Jacob: Well, I know that, but I keep thinking you are still like a kid, you just look like one...I can't figure it out.

Me: (now laughing out loud...) Well thanks, Jake..you are so nice! Yes, I'm an adult...but i'll always be a kid too...

Jacob: Yeah, I just knew you looked like you were still a kid...i just knew it.

I had to go look in the mirror for a second and see what the heck he was talking about...AH-HA! it's the mischevious look in my eye...or is that a just a twinkle??

*this is the same kid who told me a few months ago that I could be a 'circus girl' after I danced what I thought was a pretty fine dance routine, to "Stacy's Mom" for the kids at lunch time...

I may have a stressful job and be just a tad bit underpaid, but it's things like this that make me realize how entertaining and rewarding my job can be, and how much of an impact I do indeed have on these kids that look at me as just a 'big kid' and
swarm my home from 6:30 a.m. until 5:30 pm five days a week, and leave me completely exhausted until my alarm goes off at 5:45 the next morning. :)

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Sunday, April 30, 2006
note to self: no one cares
Current mood: jubilant
I like the song 'Mississippi' by Cheryl Crow. I like the rain. The idea of the sun making its appearance one of these upcoming days is appealing, but...always enjoy the rain while it's here...rain means bright green grass, new budding trees,
perfectly wet sandcastle-makin' sand in the sand circle out back, a few sprouting pieces of green leaves emerging from the once dried up and overly cracked dirt that makes me wonder what exactly it was that I planted there last year--guess i'll
soon find out, a multitude of earthworms surfacing and waiting to be either dried out on my patio and swept back into the yard, shoved into a bug box, or ripped in half a few times by curious little toddlers, puddles in the lawn, puddles on the
sidewalk, puddles in my mind...

hi Amy! my morning phone calls are usually from Marnie, Marnie, and Marnie...so hearing YOU on the other end of the line was a pleasant surprise!! not that marnie is an unpleasant surprise...it's just not a surprise of any type when she calls..it's expected, our sisterly duty to keep tabs on each other for life. haha my coffee tastes much better this morning after getting to chat with you, Ms. Japan. 'those 1/2 japenese girls, they do it to me every time...' i remember singing this song with you back in the day...

so, we will drink wine this week and grow big! if you can go back and forth back and forth, then you are set. the 'wine store' is forth...right across the street to the left, and my house is back. wine is so easy...back and forth, back and
forth.

I wish I used the word 'apropos' when I talk, but I don't. I should...I like it.

..and what is the rage with Sudoku puzzles? people actually sit and do those things for FUN? for an activity to pass the time? to freshen up their counting and number skills? no way..I can find a million other things to do with my time. I do
not like math, algebra, or anything else that you originally learn from a hardcover text book year after year, a shit-ton of wide-line (maybe even college-rule) paper, a pencil, and a calculator. I was nicely informed that you don't need to be good
at 'math' to enjoy Soduko puzzles, you just need to know how to count to 9...I think it is 9. my answer? 'well then, I think my disklike of math has led to a dislike of numbers in general...so, NO. I do not want to try to complete a Soduko
puzzle. give me a crossword puzzle any day...I like words.'

I like this font. It reminds me of the late 90's and the basics of the internet. hey, kevin...remember the 'IM' system in college? there was a list or something of which students/faculty were logged in, and you could send them a message that
would pop up at the bottom of your screen...kinda highlighted-and it went all the way across the width of the screen. didn't you even have to send a 'request to chat' first or something? i can't quite remember the fine details. oh, and i have two things on my 'things i hate' list right now...maggots in the bottom of a trash can outside-oh my...how nasty, and rotten turkey. both of which give me the same ill feeling in my stomach. so we are tied..each hating 2 things. you haven't told me what yours are though, which makes me wonder if telling people the things you hate, is one of the things you hate.

I started a new book last night...but cannot get past page three..the first two pages were great though. I tried this new energy gum called 'Mad-Croc'. I liked the fierce looking red croc on the package. it tastes really bad and it's green.
they could have at least made it red. and why do I need more energy anyway?

who has plans to cover some mileage today? any takers? running? biking? driving? walking? i think you should...don't you wanna feel vivacious and fabulous and accomplished? Don't you wanna watch the world go flying back at a speed a tad faster
than it normally does? I do. I want you to, too. I'm waiting for the rain to let up a bit, so I can take these two young overly energetic chicken-monkeys (monkies??) out of this four-walled trap and rip shit up in the rain puddles as we run for
miles and enjoy our view. all the weirdos come out when it rains....how ironic that i'm dying to get us out of here.

...just one of those days where I could type for miles.

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Wednesday, April 26, 2006
you only glisten if you sweat first.
Current mood: satisfied
i am short a few kids today so i decided to run on the treadmill during naptime since my basement was kid-free for a change. I have been enjoying being able to run outdoors for a few weeks now, so running in place was something i had to really make
myself want to do. I convinced myself that not only would my body enjoy the change-up, but i would have some extra time this evening to enjoy the weather and take my kids on a walk to a park or the river if i ran now...so i sucked it up and ran 6
miles on the tready as my workout playlist threw out the tunes and the television played Wizard of Oz. I must admit that watching the Lullabye League and Lollipop Guild dance around to "my humps" was well worth it.

man, i feel great!!
endorphins are my friend...

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Tuesday, April 25, 2006
spring water is great for your skin.
i think i finally figured out how to add videos to my space. what a slow process for a few seconds of cheap entertainment.

my neck still hurts...

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Monday, April 24, 2006
i like it dark
Current mood: relaxed
everyone knows that Nag Champa is the way to burn...well i just discovered Nag Champa Black. even better. better than food with extra cheddar..

next up: Nag Champa Green i heard a rave review on that as well. burn baby burn.

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Saturday, April 15, 2006
3 stix for the pixies...i choose red.
one of my favorite songs to run to is 'here comes your man' by the Pixies. it makes mye ears prick up. 'my man? he's here? he's coming? OH MY GOD...run mandy run, you look so fly, so RUN...here comes your man!' good song. yes, i'm strange. no,
i cannot sing. dance? i shouldn't be...run? yes. remember? my man! here comes my man! or YOUR man! whoever he belongs to...he's on his way.

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Saturday, April 15, 2006
me. you. them. us.
if you use MSN Messenger and don't have me added, go for it! add me by my email, which is takearight@gmail.com . let's chat it up, yo!

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god, ryker fucked with my keyboard, everything is the size a blind person would want it to be. BIG AND BOLD!!! arrrrrrrrr!

8:36 AM

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Thursday, April 13, 2006
once again...
i'm a dumbass. this time i forgot to add water to two bowls of instant oatmeal...i have smoke billowing out of the microwave, two bowls of dry and BLACKENED oatmeal, and a nasty stench filling my house this lovely morning. lovely

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Wednesday, April 12, 2006
my one wish
Current mood:peachy
if only the cheese was located in the produce section of the store...i would be able to frequent that section, and only that section...and be perfectly content. almost

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Tuesday, April 11, 2006
yet another reason...
Current mood:thorny
that I deserve the Dumbass of the Day award.

I refilled my water bottle this afternoon and drank about 1/4 of it...i'd say it holds maybe about 6-8 cups of water. mmmm, my body really loved the extra metal i fed it from the ROSE FOOD/WATER MIXTURE that i drank!!!!! ...nitrogen, phospate,
potash, copper, iron, manganese, and zinc to be exact. i hope i have a pretty color once i start to bloom.

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Tuesday, April 11, 2006
you want some water, i'll give you some water!
Current mood: cheerful
the river is a flooded mess right now, so that means a visit to Falls Park is a MUST!! On our Sunday evening, the Falls were so full, fast, and full of fury! arrrr!!!

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Tuesday, April 11, 2006
i tried
Current mood:sore eyed.
for probably 1 1/2 total hours to take my contacts out of my eyes last night. THEY WERE STUCK! i pulled, dragged, pinched, grabbed, and yanked at my yeballs...nothing worked. i went apeshit on the rewetting drops, they still didn't budge. um, i
soon realized my contacts were in their little case where they belong. yes, i'm wearing my glasses today, yes my eyes are red, itchy, swollen, sore, throbbing, blurry, and protected by glasses for a few days. yes, i also realize that i have won the dumbass of the day award for yesterday. if only you knew what else i did about 3 hours before the contacts ordeal....now THAT is what qualifed me for the dumbass of the day award in the first place, but i'm too embarrased to tell
you what i did. just know that it is laugh worthy for you-and i guess i'll have a laugh at it right now too..it's done.

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Sunday, April 09, 2006
it's 7:36 a.m.
Current mood:palmy and balmy, where's my lip gloss?
' hey hey everybody, wave yer palm leaves in the air. wave em all around like you just don't care '

hip hip. it's palm sunday, yo. why else would i be singing about palms?! gimme five.

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Tuesday, April 04, 2006
quatro.
Current mood: pleased
so some stranger named Jeff sends me a message to tell me that i'm on They Might Be Giant's Top 8. how cool to be on the top 8 out of 6,000 people on their friends list. But why? i'm number 4. It's gotta be the wonder woman shirt. haha i'm
not a huge TMBG fan. i like them, but my kids like them more...and who the fuck is Jeff?

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Monday, April 03, 2006
when in doubt...
vote Amelia Bedelia for Mayor...that HO.

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Sunday, April 02, 2006
coffee talk
Current mood:parched
so there i was, laying in a bed in a hotel...on the inside. you know, the side of the bed closest to the table that separates it from the other bed. i look over and realize i'm in bed with a big fat cop! ...then i thought to myself, 'did i fall
down?' my foot hurt, so i called marnie. apparently i just fell, a lot. my hip bone hurts too..man, the jag-bombs won.

Currently listening:
Incesticide
By Nirvana
Release date: 15 December, 1992

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Monday, March 27, 2006
here joshy joshy...
i must have spilled on yer tie?!

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Monday, March 27, 2006
mnemonic
Current mood: awake
i found this word written with a black pen on the back of a fairly old paycheck, shoved in between the pages of one of my journals. 'mnemonic, mnemonic....where the fuck did this come from and why did I keep it?' it took me about 3 minutes of
shuffling thru old memories in my mind to visualize myself sitting in a little hole in the wall bar (i even remember exactly what i was wearing), talking to my friend over a couple beers after work one summer evening at Smoe's back in 2001. I got up
to pee, he smiled and then commented on my boobs as I walked back to sit next to him, telling him to shut up...and that is when we started discussing various words, our minds, and the meaning of it all. i grabbed the first piece of paper out of my
purse, my paycheck...he wrote something on the back of it in black ink, scratched it out and then wrote it again...

"mnemonic"... and said..'this is a good word to know', and he shoved it back in my purse and smiled.

expand your mind, remember it later.

Currently listening:
Siamese Dream
By Smashing Pumpkins
Release date: 27 July, 1993

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Sunday, March 26, 2006
' I'm hot...
Current mood: mellow
...and you're not... but if you want to get with me I'll give it one shot, TOP THAT! '

'...i'm king...and you're not... but if you want to hang with me just give it one shot, TOP THAT. STOP THAT '

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Thursday, March 16, 2006
but i want to leave it blank, Tom.
Current mood: aggravated
fuck.

i always look out my front door each morning after i walk down the stairs. not sure exactly why...checking to see if the street is still intact, making sure the neighbors green van is still parked along the road, and hoping for a sight of bright
green grass, budding trees, and blooming flowers.

not this morning. the view is white. whiter than it was when i went to bed. i'm going to go run, fuck this weather...it's mid-March, not January...it snows here when it shouldn't be allowed to. no wonder there are so many obese people here and
enough restuarants for each obese person to each call 3 of them their very own-and still have a few leftover.. (not sure what that has to do with snow, but it sounds like a good cause-effect example to me).

i better go run, it's already 6:08 a.m. mass chaos will erupt thru my front door in 1 1/2 hrs and counting...

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Wednesday, March 15, 2006
i like sally
Current mood: relaxed

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Wednesday, March 15, 2006
i still haven't found what i'm looking for
Current mood: aggravated
those stupid brand new headphones/earphones/whathaveyou. I have come to conclude that my dislike for counter clutter has gotten the best of me yet again...and i trashed them, still safely enclosed in the annoying plastic 'thing' that is always so hard to remove unless you have a scissors handy. i'm mad! not FUMING to the point where i want to break stuff, but just annoyed at myself mad. mad that i'm so anal about throwing things away. throw throw throw...that's all i do...out with the
old, out with the old again the next day, out with the soon to be old, and out with the 'it will be old someday'..and out with the new. now excuse me while i go break stuff. ha! i lied...im' FUMING mad. arrrrrrrrr!

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Tuesday, March 14, 2006
it's 6:36
a.m.

earphones? is that right? earphones, headphones, HEADGEAR! haha whatever. but really...is earphones correct? it sounds so 1956ish...but hey, that's alright too.

it's 6:29 a.m.

i just got done running...without my new earphones. BUT...i decided that's OKAY. why? because i'm in a good mood now after hearing 'here comes your man' by the Pixies in the last 2 minutes of my run. NICE! how can you not like waking up to the pixies?! i tried to do a little dance while running....almost fell twice, but here i am-completely fine, and waiting for your man, bitch.

Current mood: awake

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Tuesday, March 14, 2006
it's 5:46
Current mood: blah
Category: MySpace
a.m.

i'm up and ready to run before my crazy day of daycare begins...and i bought these nice new earphones last week. i can't wait to give them a try today, but i CAN'T FIND THEM! they aren't even open and out of the package yet and i lost them.
soooooooooo, i guess i don't get to use them. and i keep getting these annoying stomach pains. great morning. happy tuesday, hope yours is starting off better than mine. i'm off to go run, WITHOUT my new earphones. BLEH.

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Monday, March 13, 2006
no, i will not make out with you.
Current mood: mischievous
i love grilled cheese sammmmmmmichs. all sorts, types, kinds, and styles. gimmie a grilled cheese anyday and i'm instantly weak and dizzy and absolutely in love. in fact, i want a grilled cheese sammich right now. anyone up for some good fun and
lovely sex? oh wait...i wanted a grilled cheese sammmmmmich, not sex. my bad. (no bleu/blue/blew cheese allowed).

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Saturday, March 11, 2006
the blog of Ryk.
Current mood:he's drinking milk & blogging (so...Mlogging?)
and this is what he says...

h/kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkffffffffff gggggtttttt87777777bbbbbgggggggggggggggggggggg666666666666655555555543tt5632666666666666666666nkjhn fg2,,

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Friday, March 10, 2006
i can make you a smile
i love today. and it's only 7:30 a.m. The sun is BLINDING me as I sit here right now, i love it, even though I know it's simply a false sense of hope that spring is soon to arrive in south dakota. I feel fabulous! After being felt like i've
been ran over and smashed by a mack truck for the past three days, i woke up renewed and happy and ready to beat the shit out of the driver of that mack truck for bringing his nasty virus my way! A few minutes after the sun decided to brighten up my house by peeking in my windows, New Slang started playing...as I was singing along I look over and there sits ryker with his head swaying side to side in the computer chair, 'singing' along with me. how can you not smile and be happy with
that?...singing along to New Slang, just me and Ryk. and the coffee is grand this morning! and the dog. WHAT DOG? that's right...i finally made the dog leave-or at least had him escorted outta here. bye bye you black piece of annoyment. (is that
even a word, ah...i don't really even care, it works.) and the world looks so rad when you are wearing contacts. I've never seen sioux falls look so fabulously clear, crisp, bright, and beautiful as I was downtown yesterday walking down Phillips Avenue in the middle of the afternoon with my new contacts stuck to my eyeballs. i was feeling a bit new slangish at the moment...ahhhhh. life is great.

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Friday, March 03, 2006
whatever you do, don't touch F6.
Current mood: happy
i woke up really happy this morning. i've probably said this before, but as much as I dislike the thought of waking up in the morning, and actually getting my butt out of bed...i LOVE the early morning and i cherish the still, silence, and freshness right before the rising sun brings in the day. I love waking up to my coffee already made (but i RARELY remember to set the timer), drinking one (large) cup of it, and then going for my 3-5 mile run on the treadmill, drinking a few more
cups of coffee before I shower, and then seeing my boys climb down the stairs in their jammies with their 'i am barely awake' eyes, smiles on their faces, and arms outstretched waiting for their good morning hugs from me. but that's not how my
morning went today...

the only thing that is better than coffee and an early morning run to start my day, is having my boys make breakfast with me. This morning they hauled out their step stool from beside the fridge, two little wisks from a kitchen drawer, and stirred
the eggs and milk together (ryker tried to eat them..EWW), added velveeta, and thought for sure they made their very own scrambled eggs even though i was the one that cooked them, of course. they then pushed the step stool over a couple of feet
to the toaster...THE FOUR SLOTTED TOASTER, and breck was convinced that since he put the bread in the toaster and pushed the lever down, that HE indeed made toast for himself and Ryk, even though i buttered them and sprinkled them with cinnamin and
sugar. I sat and smiled as the three of us ate our breakfast...and made sure to tell the boys that they did such a good job with breakfast and thanked them both for making it all by themselves. The smile on his Brecken's face, and the look of pride
in his eyes were priceless. a perfect way to start the day. it's the simple things...

Currently listening:
Back to Bedlam
By James Blunt
Release date: 04 October, 2005

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Tuesday, February 28, 2006
and this one..
http://www.onecaption.com

yeah yeah yeah! much fun.

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Tuesday, February 28, 2006
check it...
Current mood: awake
http://www.oneword.com

fun for your brain...fingers too.

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Tuesday, February 28, 2006
mno.
Current mood: savage
1. i love it when my hand accidently knocks over something in the kitchen, and it breaks, shatters, cracks, or splatters...because then I HAVE to sweep and mop the kitchen floor right then and there, and man...a shiny clean kitchen floor makes me say 'ahhhhh', and i almost feel like one of those housewife bitches on Mr. Clean commericals who stand there with their mop in hand, smiling happily at their splendid kitchen floor as their kids suddenly burst through the door with
muddy shoes on...and she smiles, shrugs and happily cleans that shit up...because she loves being a housewife and loves cleaning her floor a few times a day.

2. when i am running, i visualize the weirdest shit. my mind entertains me with the greatest of ease. one minute i'll be thinking of beer, tanning oil, painted toenails and endless fun in the sand, the next minute i'll be going thru my mental
list of 'what mandy needs to do today', and dreading putting away piles of clean folded laundry, GOD I HATE LAUNDRY. My ideal mate would be a laundry guy. I learned to appreciate this from TJ, and i like him so freakin' much for it. Take two household chores that really just suck..and split them up. Laundry. Dishes. one is your job, one is mine. sure we can help each other out now and then, it doesn't hurt to be nice 'just because'...BUT, you see your job is done when needed and i'll tend to mine. no complaining, no procrastinating, no slacking. that would make life just grand. what a happy medium to share responsibilities that i find rather annoying but highly necessary.. now....where to find this?

3. toast. i go thru these phases that PISS ME OFF. i eat toast, like LOTS OF TOAST. one piece after another, and having a 4 slotted toaster just pisses me off even more...quicker, more convenient, and allows me to shove more in my mouth than a 2 slotted toaster would. and i go on my toast binges around 8:00 at night. i think i need help. bread is a weakness of mine...it gets me shakin' in the knees. hahaha

4. why do i hate the phone so much? you know, i really don't even hate it...i quite enjoy chatting with my friends, and i would go crazy if i had a day without talking to SOMEONE on the phone, but yet...everytime it rings, i scrunch up my nose,
and look around...if a phone is not within arms reach, i rarely answer it. It is one of the least important tasks of the day for me...answering the phone. it's so lame, i know! i avoid it like i avoid chocolate...i really hate it, but when i cave
and just do it, it's alright in small doses.

i guess i just had a spew of the mouth moment. feel free to request to be removed from the topshelf at anytime if I bore you. But you won't get off that easy...i do require some things from you first. so just stick around...i'm alright, and i'll be yer friend til the end.

and i'm not sure why my mood is predatory..i guess it just sounded interesting to be for a tuesday with no sunshine.

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Saturday, February 25, 2006
south dakota...
Current mood: annoyed
what a freakin' state. a state of disaster. so the other day some fucked up fat and squatty psycho lady chops up one of her 'girfriends' (YES, another HUMAN BEING..someone with a heart and soul of some type) in a million pieces with a saw, throws her in a landfill, and paints the room blue. now there is this ban against MOST abortions....the only state to do so. and that is all i will say about that. but yet, the view of The Falls from a window at the state penn. is fabulous....what gives? what the fuck gives? it's all Crazy Horse's fault...blame him. i need to find the back door of south dakota, and RUN.

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Monday, February 20, 2006
it's make-believe.
this new coffee is kind of weak. and you know... listening to the Breeders while trying so hard to wake up is kinda rad. and wondering if i will freeze shortly after opening the back door to let the dog outside this morning is almost frightening. maybe, if my luck shines through, it will be so wonderfully warm when i open the door, (don't talk to me about luck, Kim. haha)..and i can just walk out onto the patio with barefeet, my big ole cup of kinda weak new coffee, and curl up in a cozy chair in a sunny spot, as the kids start the day by finding washed up worms from the rain the night before and start right in on the bigwheel ridin', knee scraping falls, sand throwing, rock finding, and sidewalk chalk drawing.

shut up, i can pretend... leave me alone. i need another cup of this kinda weak coffee to warm me up, and an extra pair of socks this morning.

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Saturday, February 18, 2006
daydreaming.
Current mood: naughty
i am ready to beat up a chick! i never have! never ever! i'd like to knock some stupid bitch's lights out...i have nobody in mind...i'm waiting for someone exciting to cross my path in a dark dark alleyway on a nice summer evening, and BAM! but
i'd make sure she deserved it first. I'd get her really pissed at me by talking shit about her ugly shoes, bad taste in music, and the wrong color of lipstick. Then hopefully she'd start calling me a fucking bitch, ugly, or better yet...a cunt!
and that would be it...IT WOULD BE ON!!! i'd beat her up and walk away laughing without a scratch, and then i'd stop for a beer and a shot or two at the dive bar across the street... i'd probably have a smoke too...just because.

Currently listening:
Tales From the Punchbowl
By Primus
Release date: 06 June, 1995

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Wednesday, February 15, 2006
ugh.
Current mood:?
...........static....

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Saturday, February 11, 2006
take a listen and then hit repeat.
Current mood:Standing!
Stand in the place where you live
Now face North
Think about direction
Wonder why you haven't before
Now stand in the place where you work
Now face West
Think about the place where you live
Wonder why you haven't before

If you are confused check with the sun
Carry a compass to help you along
Your feet are going to be on the ground
Your head is there to move you around

Your feet are going to be on the ground
Your head is there to move you around
If wishes were trees the trees would be falling
Listen to reason
Season is calling

If wishes were trees the trees would be falling
Listen to reason
Reason is calling
Your feet are going to be on the ground
Your head is there to move you around

So Stand (stand)
Now face North
Think about direction, wonder why you haven't before
Now stand (stand)
Now face West
Think about the place where you live
Wonder why you haven't..........

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Saturday, February 11, 2006
my friend josh is a friend of mine.
josh is rad. and bad and eats chicken with beer. do you like him? you should? fill out the following online applicaton to be his girl:

do you like to fuck shit up? check yes or no

do you think you are cool? check yes or no

are you 19? check yes or no

do you puke when you drink? check no.

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Monday, February 06, 2006
Quality Inn & Suites for all the fine bitches.
Current mood:DRUNK
my #1 friend is JT. I am not sure what it stands for. He is black and white and has 200 friends. why? because he works in a fucking hotel in sioux falls. has he ever offered me free cold cereal and coffee? NO. you know, JT...Applejacks are a sure
way to a woman's heart. complimentary bars of soap don't hurt either.

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Monday, February 06, 2006
feck yeh.
Current mood: optimistic
i'm happy! so happy. so freakin' happy i could blog! so i won't...you can just enjoy my happiness like it is. hip hip

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Monday, February 06, 2006
yeah, they really ARE that good.
Current mood: thoughtful
have you ever eaten Aebleskiver? if not, go find one of those lovely danish girls who makes reeeeally good ones, with the best sauce ever. A. Love & Special Sauce!

wondering to yourself 'what the fuck is she talking about? sauce? Aebleskiver? i'm supposed to eat WHAT?' (oh, don't mind the A. Love thing i threw in there...it came out of left field, i swear) here.....go read. http://www.solvangrestaurant.com/aebleskiver.html

and then look me up when you are ready to indulge...you'll be smitten.

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Saturday, February 04, 2006
want a free epidural in yer back?
Current mood: cold
you haven't been cold until you've woken up in South Dakota in October, November, December, January, February, March, or April.. fuck this ride, it's no fun and i want off! So that groundhog saw his shadow? we firsure need more winter here
in this shithole-let's just depress the company that met thru the love of misery just a tad bit longer...smart groundhog they used this year...FIRE HIM ! he needs to go. or I do. job me up, ship me outta here on the fast train to somewhere. My job qualifications? a job that fancies my interests in at least 3 ways...i don't care what three ways those are, but i will not settle for mind-boring fuel to turn out my paycheck. useless information from the dirty hands of south dakota just takes up space...this state has pumped me full of enough of that crap already. and yet i stay. if you are ever passing thru (kick your own ass first, for even driving thru this state in one of the above mentioned months), get out and throw a couple bucks into one of the video lottery machines that are so conveniently splattered thru this state in every nook and cranny with almost as much pride that is boasting through the paint on all those buildings with dutch fronts in orange city, all you'll take home from this land of great faces, great places' is a numb backbone and an empty pocketbook. just leave quickly, never turning back. but first, pick me up and take me with you. i do require sunshine and wine...and good music.

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slow moving...quickly.
Current mood: lazy
'everything's my fault...' i take full responsibility for all i did, said, saw and remembered last night, all the beer i drank, the BIG jars of beer, and that one cigarette i just had to have, the bad music i heard (hardcore doesn't have to mean
SCREAM BADLY AND PLAY WORSE), the good music i heard (bongos are grand!), the charcoal drawing girl in desperate need of a good 18" haircut and a new voice, the dude who took the charcoal drawing from me when i handed it to him in passing, the
other really bad charcoal drawing that i found laying on the backseat this morning, (See Exhibit 1A)

(Exhibit 1A)

the free beer right before we left, and the bitter cold south dakota weather that kicked my ass so nicely at the end of the evening.

'...i said please take me, he said you're crazy, you were too much fun.'

hey, YOU.
YOU are so right...this is great!

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Wednesday, February 01, 2006
dry yer crying eye.
Current mood:Appreciative
one cannot say they have lived a full life until they have truly tasted the onions.

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Wednesday, February 01, 2006
.Teen Angst.
Current mood:BURNED
how fast we burn, IT IS SIMPLE. IT IS LIFE, AND ACCEPTING THIS, IS THE WAY. IT'S REALLY QUITE SIMPLE... LEARN TO TAKE IT FOR A RIDE. EACH TIME I BURN,IT'S ALWAYS BRIGHTER THAN THE LAST A NECESSITY FOR SURVIVAL.. BUT....how fast we cry. I'M
NOT QUICK TO CRY. DO THEY BELIEVE ME? PROBABLY. SHOULD THEY? THAT'S FOR YOU TO DECIDE..WHEN TEARS BURN THEIR WAY DOWN MY FRECKLED CHEEKS, I CRY. ALONE. A LOT. OFTEN. IT'S SUCH A PURE, NEEDFUL AND INCREDIBLE FEELING TO CRY. THE TEARS SIMPLY
FLUSH MY SOUL...simple we live, MAKING OUR LIST OF LIFE FROM 1-10 AND EXPECTING TO FOLLOW THRU IN THAT SAME ORDER FROM BEGINNING TO END. THE MOST SIMPLE OF SOULS START AT 7, END AT 3, HAVE AN INDENTED A,B, AND C, FOLLWED BY AN INDENTED SMALL
1,2, AND 3. DO YOU SEE?...I'M SO INTRUIGINGLY SIMPLE IN THE MOST COMPLEX OF WAYS. simple we die. SIMPLE WE BURN...WITH A STORY LEFT BEHIND FOR THOSE WHO HAVE SCRATCHED MY SURFACE AND IN TURN SCRATCHED THEIR OWN.. AND BURNED. AND LEARNED. .somehow we learn, FROM THE SIMPLE PEOPLE. THE ONES WHO YOU THINK YOU DON'T 'GET'...BUT YOU DO, WHEN YOU CRY, WHEN YOU BURN. somehow we cry. AT THE THOUGHT OF NEVER KNOWING WHAT WE KNOW WE ALREADY KNOW AND THE YEARNING TO GET THERE, IT HURTS. IT BURNS. how fast we burn, WHEN WE DON'T KEEP TRYING, KEEP BEING, KEEP GOING, KEEP SCRATCHING...BURNING. how fast we die. WHEN WE FIND WHAT WE HAVE KNOWN ALL ALONG TO BE JUST THE THING WE HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR, BURNING FOR, LEARNING AND LIVING FOR. IT IS WELL WORTH THE RIDE, THE TEARS AND THE BURN...AND I WILL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT WHEN I GET THERE, AND WHEN YOU FIND IT, GO WITH IT. ................................................I'LL BE THERE, WHEN YOU START TO SCRATCH THE BURN.

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Monday, January 30, 2006
DYK...revisited.
The original DYK post has left my blog. so here's a comback blog.

DYK that i feel like i'm at cheerleader camp with overweight lazy cheerleaders when i see DYK posts?

DYK that i've never had braces...yeah, i really am THAT cool.

DYK that i have posted entirely too many blogs today...i should be shot.

DYK that you should never shoot me..and if you tried, i'd beat yer ass to a bloody pulp.

DYK that big forks don't work?

DYK that Marnie and I are the only people that probably realize that...and maybe Selina remembers too.

DYK that I'm waitin' on a call...

DYK that i deleted a bunch of 'friends' today...like Chayna and Bobby...who the FUCK were you? you need to SLOW DOWN with

the bulletins. peace.

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Monday, January 30, 2006
fire water burn.
Current mood: curious
at 1:50 p.m. on this clean and awfully still Monday afternoon, I just questioned something...

how on earth will I ever burn and destroy these blogs someday?

maybe, just maybe, someday i will have more then 3 pages of my thoughts tucked away. i could just delete them all, but i don't work quite that easy...i like a challenge, i like to make things difficult in the simplest of ways. burn, mother Fucker, burn.

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Monday, January 30, 2006
Mandy is SERIOUS!!!
Current mood: tired
If i have to see another bulletin with the title "Tom is Serious!" i think i will scream, throw stuff, or just maybe be nice and delete the bulletin without screaming or throwing stuff. how dumb. i hate bulletins, now i just decided this split
second that I REALLY hate them. In fact, I can't even bring myself to bitch about this particular bulletin because it's THAT dumb.

happy monday...I'M SERIOUS. haha

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Saturday, January 28, 2006
Dear Kelloggs,
thank you, thank you for AppleJacks. they saved my drunk ass this morning.

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Wednesday, January 25, 2006
what is with...
all the Marijuana ads on myspace lately? Who CARES if it should be legalized or not....we don't need to take a poll on it....I'd rather see the option "add to cart" and special blinking words behind it "free shipping...tell them Tom sent ya"

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Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Cheeky.
Current mood: cold
shunting cars, hauling freight cars to and from the quarry, hanging out near the sidings, racing down the mainline, being boastful, useful, helpful, and wasteful, yelling at drivers and signalmen, PEEP PEEPING along the railway...the way of the
trains. Go Thomas, James, Percy, Eggward (as brecken calls him), Gordon, and Diesel, just to name a few of the many. my home and mind are forever swarming with 'the train gang'. i guess it beats Barbie Dolls, Bratz dolls, freaking Cinderella, Snow White, and all those other foo foo princesses and their crappy plastic crowns.

Cheer up, don't be so cross...you ARE a useful engine after all!

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a blog for you.
about absolutely fucking nothing. check this shit out. what a great Sunday morning read.

hum.

dee.

hum.

dee.

ho.

dee.

ha.

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Tuesday, January 17, 2006
why
my daughter's obituary is sitting here on my desk, has been for awhile, not sure why..not really even sure where it appeared from-i found it laying on the floor one day...but i just never go put it somewhere...i will today. it makes me sad, just
another reason for me to be confused and ask "why?' in my life...

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Sunday, January 15, 2006
good times.
Current mood: energetic
my ipod threw out a song at me while running today that i think is fabulously funny. "i want your girlfriend to be my girlfriend too" by Reel Big Fish. Not a big fan of Reel Big Fish at all, but this song is fun to jump around and sing
to...'maybe i should kill you...'

humor me and check it out someday.

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Saturday, January 14, 2006
who deserves to go to jail
Current mood: pleased
once again, a moment of amusement brought to me by Brecken...i'm folding laundry, singing along to a loudly playing "Mirror Mirror (I see a Damsel)" by the Femmes, as the boys are playing with their Geotrax beside me. Breck walks up to the computer
and stares at itunes....the song ends. He looks at me and says, "mom....i was liking that song. it is GOOD." and he walks away and sits back down by his train and says, "yeah, the song was good, mom." My almost 3 yr old son digs the Violent
Femmes...how rad.

Currently listening:
New Times
By Violent Femmes
Release date: 17 May, 1994

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Friday, January 13, 2006
a synonym for HARD is...
Current mood: amused
Fooken Fyken.

That is what I have learned today while getting the playdoh stuff out for the boys a few short minutes ago...

Brecken: "mom...this playdoh is fooken fyken."

Me: "oh really. what does fooken fyken mean?"

Brecken: "hard. this playdoh in here (he's picking at old playdoh shoved into one of those playdoh things that is a guy with playdoh for his hair) is fooken."

Me: "oh..well we'll just throw the fooken stuff away then."

Brecken: "ok, this piece is fooken too, mom."

I can't help but laugh...

Currently listening:
Mollusk
By Ween
Release date: 24 June, 1997

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Sunday, January 08, 2006
push Pause.
Current mood: dirty
basement. my house.

he managed to fit 3 extra large rolls of toilet paper in the toilet, along with a plastic toy screw, a silver matchbox car and about 15 red twist ties.....while i thought all was good with my well-behaved children as I enjoyed my run on the
treadmill , singing along to 'My name is Jonas".

wait a minute. REWIND...

upstairs. my house. breck's eyes were huge-all i could make out of his story was, 'mom' and 'potty watah'. so. hmmm. huh? okay...he points, i follow. i instantly panicked as i watched the water rise higher and higher. yelling STOP wasn't working. plunger. where the FUCK is the plunger?!?! i turned and ran. i have to admit i did feel pretty cool leaping over laundry baskets and making
it down the stairs in about 1 leap and 1 bound...and thank God that opening child locks in 1/2 second flat is one of the hottest traits about me. haha leaping and bounding back up the stairs wasn't quite as easy, but it definately was more fun.
too late. the fucking toilet rose to the occassion. and yeah, gross.

Fast forward....to the beginning. i did have a great run, and i'm in need of a shower. good day to you!

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Saturday, January 07, 2006
eeauh.
if you had a choice of either being able to pronounce this 'word' how i intend for it to be pronounced, or just feeling crappy like this word....go for the pronunciation. it's the smarter choice..

and this is just the song i wanted to hear. how wonderfully weird. unwritten law.....SAVE ME!

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Friday, January 06, 2006
It's okay to hate yer dog.
Current mood: annoyed
i didn't get up early enough, the dark faded so fast, but the coffee is strong, black and perfect. my sidewalks may be icy, but there is no wind, no snow, no freezing rain, no insanely bitter temps...just a peaceful, quiet, slightly bitter cold morning with great music. i wish the mornings lasted forever, the dark stayed dark a little bit longer. i don' t need an alarm, but i still cringe at the thought of getting up each morning, until i just do it.. and find my way to the bathroom,
stairs, and then the cupboard to grab a coffee filter. i love how the earlier i get up the longer i feel like i'm breaking a rule by being awake so early...the flow of 9-5 traffic has yet to start it's daily parade past my house, and if i'm really
quiet in between songs, i can hear the heavy breath of a child or two, still upstairs snuggled up in bed, fast asleep. but not this morning...i heard the dog LOUDLY yacking. he sounded like he ate a tree! little fucker! he did i know he did! he eats trees, little trees that grow around the base of a big tree in my backyard. i was so disgusted with the sound and pissed at his stupidity that i couldn't even go look at him to see if he was okay. so he got louder and LOUDER...it was as if an old man was choking on his soup! i just laughed to myself and thought, 'i bet he's faking it...he just wants out of his kennel, he wants to wreck my time of solitude. well hack away pugboy, i don't even like you.

and then just like that the sun was up, one of the dangerous duo was walking down the stairs, the doorbell rang, my coffee went cold, and there went my morning. i didn't get up early enough today...

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Wednesday, January 04, 2006
a blue-eyed view.
Current mood: enthralled
skimming the atmosphere with the greatest of ease...a sight. even for sore eyes. sore eyes, but not like mine..i must have blinked for the 10,376th time. it's burning..so hot, so full of what i'd like to be, shooting a trail of pure rock spewed beauty...falling at a pace that i can't seem to grasp at any going rate. knowing where to look, i blink. maybe too soon, probably too late. no dust to linger, no beauty to envelop me, no fucking explanation. just a short-lived trail of light, and it burns.

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Monday, January 02, 2006
supposed to.
i see it in my mind, etching a circle of repetition right where it should. i feel the way i should feel, but i don't. and i hear the sound of beauty, compassion and perfection with a flair for error...so i smile.

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game on.
the uncertainity of familiarity. but not really at all. new contributions, new situations. the game is the same, as are the thoughts in my head. the sound of the clunk of nothing hitting the bottom, so empty so hollow so loud. and there it
sits...until i pick up and declutter. declutter that spot, that spot and that clunk and the hollow of it all. free fall and disappear is what i think sounds the best. but it's not that easy. it's all a big circle, and that just won't do. i need a
line with an arrow, with maybe a spring or two. fucking deja vu.

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Wednesday, December 07, 2005
smile.
Current mood: relieved
everything's gonna be alright...

now excuse me while i go jump around.

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Wednesday, November 30, 2005
BLUDGEON YER EYE!!!
Current mood: happy
Yeah yeah yeah!!! ...the Ween show was sweet last night!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you don't like Ween? well then piss up a rope, baby.

Currently listening:
Quebec
By Ween
Release date: 05 August, 2003

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Sunday, November 13, 2005
speaking without tongues.
it's strange. the direction, the reason, the point, the purpose. just when you think you finally got it, you don't. disappointment, fear, anticipation of the good life...they all keep me motionless. stuck in a rut, but slowly digging my way
out.

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Wednesday, November 09, 2005
pop pop puh pop pop pop!
http://www.urban75.com/Mag/bubble.html

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Monday, November 07, 2005
rule .1.
long haired freaky people, need not apply...

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Thursday, October 27, 2005
Tomorrow...
Current mood: restless
should have been, could have been, isn't going to be. I miss you, my sweet baby girl. You will always be my angel.

I love you.

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Friday, October 21, 2005
another quick thought.
wanna know a sure way to piss me off? send me an email, a normal, personable email, and then throw a jab at me in the last sentence. Yeah, that makes you so cool. do it, I dare ya.

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Friday, October 21, 2005
hi, my name is mandy...
Current mood: groggy
and i have a problem. I cannot function without coffee. Three days now without it and i am walking on clouds, totally out of it, not liking it, just needing it. going to go get it.

____________________________________________________

he picked the road less traveled.
Current mood: amused
Me: Emily had that chair first, you need to get a different one from over there.

Breck: no. i had dis chairuh.

Me: You need to go get that chair over there (points to another little rocking chair) and sit on that one, Emmie is using this chair.

Me: Or would you rather go up to timeout?

Breck: I need to doh to timeout.

Me: alright, go upstairs, i'll get you when your time is up.

Breck walks up to his room. Now i have no clue what he's actually doing up there, but i'd like to assume he's laying nicely in his bed. I'm too scared to go see....

kids are crazy.

__________________________________________________

Tuesday, October 18, 2005
When you figure it out-
let me know.

Someone has lost their fucking mind, over and over again.

had to remove the link...it wa fuckin' up my blog. nobody fucks with my blog.

_________________________________________________

Saturday, October 15, 2005
Feck Yuh.
yes. yes. that's right. feck yuh. is that right? it was Feck something. Feck Yeh? Feck Yuh? Feck Off? Fecking enough already.

____________________________________________________

Wednesday, October 12, 2005
BOOBS.
Current mood: excited
In 16 days, I will have boobs. A whole new world...I can't wait.

Currently listening:
Red Letter Day/Woodson
By The Get Up Kids
Release date: 09 January, 2001

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Saturday, October 08, 2005
just checkin'
I lost a game, and then I won, I've got one up,on you. what fun. Oh yes. it's true.
your turned your head, i took my chance. i got my way, miss fancy pants.

__________________________________________________

Thursday, October 06, 2005
at least I didn't dog ear the corner...
Current mood:just one more cup of coffee....
I woke up this morning and noticed the book laying open on a kitchen chair...cover side up, pages down. Instantly, I remembered that I forgot...Forgot to READ it. I am only on page EIGHT of this book. PAGE FREAKIN' EIGHT. I even forced myself to sit down late last with my glass of wine and this book, with every intent of getting past PAGE 8. I need to read it, I really do...but I'm afraid my personality is just as much 'spirited' as my dear son's...

FUCK. i'll never get this book read...

Currently listening:
Best of
By G. Love & Special Sauce
Release date: 26 March, 2002

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Monday, October 03, 2005
oh yes
it can. It CAN get worse today. It has.

____________________________________________________________

Sunday, October 02, 2005
what. the. fuck?
Could today have been any worse?

______________________________________________

Saturday, October 01, 2005
bitches are bitches.
Current mood: bitchy
the subject says enough.

Currently listening:
Sick 'Em
By 7 Year Bitch
Release date: 16 June, 1998

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Friday, September 30, 2005
Typin' Tweakers
Current mood: amused
For some reason I think this whole "my space" thing is weird. weird people, weird pictures, weird info, weird ads.

but i'm here...so it must be ok. unless, dear god....I'M WEIRD!

__________________________________________________

where is the edge of the earth?
Current mood:brain overload.
because I'm about to take off and find it.

Currently listening:
3 Feet High and Rising
By De La Soul
Release date: 23 October, 2001

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Wednesday, September 28, 2005
story of my life...
Current mood: drained
i have no story. or at least not a GOOD one. I've been there, done that...still lost.

Currently listening:
Live at the Roxy
By Social Distortion
Release date: 30 June, 1998

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Sunday, September 25, 2005
opossum beatin'
Current mood: chipper
i didn't do it, but my friend did...beat one with his bare hand and then whipped off his shoe and gave him a few good whaps. weirdest shit i've ever seen...

Currently listening:
ELV1S 30 #1 Hits
By Elvis Presley
Release date: 24 September, 2002

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Friday, September 23, 2005
blah blah blah blah blah.
Current mood: irritated
Category: MySpace
i cringe at the thought. she talks...all i hear on the other end is "blah blah blah blah blah blah blah...i can't believe she'd do that?" "yep". *forced laugh* blah blah blah blah blah blah blah....

why do i even answer the phone when i don't even listen?

_________________________________________________________

Friday, September 23, 2005
I miss my baby girl...
Category: MySpace
Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to a new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom. Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon. They stay in our lives for a
little while, leave footprints on our hearts and we are never, ever the same.

~ Author Unknown

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Friday, September 23, 2005
*WHAP*
Current mood: drained
I arm wrestled a guy...and got my ass kicked-of course. DAMMIT.

Currently listening:
So Long Astoria
By Ataris
Release date: 28 October, 2003

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uesday, September 13, 2005
6:07 A.M.
Current mood: tired
"zing zing zing bah."

way too fucking early for Boobah. But i've never heard them giggle so much at such a stupid show.

life is grand. bring me some coffee.

_______________________________________________________

Thursday, September 08, 2005
I am the HULK.
Current mood: accomplished
I just had a kick ass workout with weights for my upperbody!! I'm soooo stoked! i haven't lifted weights since before i was on bedrest (around april). I was skeeeeered to see what I could curl. amazingly...i could still curl the same as where I left off..but it was HARD! i did curls, hammer curls, tri kickbacks, overhead tris, raises, rows, chest press, butterflies and shoulder presses. DAMN IT FEELS GOOD TO LIFT AGAIN! now for my ab workout today-off to do pilates. just had to share my excitement. humor me, and be happy for me. please?

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wednesday, September 07, 2005
uh oh.
Current mood: relaxed
i didn't think i'd stick with this blogging thing. but i see i've blabbed for a few straight days now. oh well...at least i'm typing quietly and not screaming at my kids.

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Wednesday, September 07, 2005
i want 5 minutes to myself....PUH-LEASE.
Current mood: aggravated
I am a crack head who does NO crack whatsoever. Whoever blames getting fat on having kids, is nuts...WHEN THE HELL DO THEY FIND TIME TO SIT AROUND AND BE LAZY AND LET THEIR ASS GET SO BIG AND FAT? I've yet to figure that one out...because i get
not even a HALF HOUR to myself in the course of a day. Ryker is standing right beside me now..tearing shit off the computer3 Desk and trying to help me type. In fact, my showers are not even a time for me to relax-there is almost ALWAYS one boy brushing his teeth, turning the water off and on, flushing the toilet repeatedly, unrolling the toilet paper, trying to climb in the tub with me, throwing toys in the toilet, or beating on each other...VENT OVER.

children. gotta love 'em...

____________________________________________________

bills
suck.

_______________________________________

Tuesday, September 06, 2005
pick me. pick me.
Current mood:watching the coffee maker drip.
i am sore. my arms and chest and abs and ass. ho.lee. shiiiiiiiit. Yesterday I did my first timed events for the BootCamp Challenge. First you do as many situps in 2 minutes as you can, then immediately after that it's pushups for 2 minutes, and
Then a 2 mile run.

Well....i'm not too impressed with my #'s/times. I guess i just gave birth less than 3 months ago and was on bedrest before that since the end of April...so it could have been worse.

61 situps in 2 minutes, 25 pushups (the 'manly' ones of course) in 2 minutes, and i ran the 2 miles in 18:34. nothing too impressive..but wait until you see the outcome in 6 weeks when i retest...

bring it.

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Monday, September 05, 2005
whudda bitch.
Current mood: bitchy
I am a bitch. plain and simple. when i'm not in a good mood-stay the fuck away FRom me or I will say not-so-nice things to you. It's 7:48 p.m. Labor Day. I'm not in labor...not even pregnant! that's a first for me...I haven't Been "unpregnant" for more than a few months since 2002. I saw the wine bottle..it said DRINK ME! too bad the label didn't have flashy stars on it to grab my attention. not like I needed to be reminded that it was waiting for me.

no kids. they have been shipped off for the evening. time to relax. sit. stop screaming. stop picking up toys. stop cleaning up milk spilled on the floor, and just get drunk. Thank God above for grapes...and bars. i'm heading to one soon. and yes, i'll be sure to duck. ha fucking ha.

___________________________________________
got any good jokes?

Currently listening:
ELV1S 30 #1 Hits
By Elvis Presley
Release date: 24 September, 2002

______________________________________________

sunday, September 04, 2005
got corn?
Current mood:immature
so this was the conversation between me and the boys just a few minutes ago...

I throw some cheese puffs in front of them to hush 'em up and look in the fridge to see what i'll make them for lunch. every damn thing i see makes me want to puke.

Me: "What do you guys want for lunch? A poop sandwich?"

Brecken: starts laughing hysterically, so do I. Ryker just stares at me in mid-bite of a cheese puff and grins.

I continue looking in the fridge for something to do for lunch...Brecken is still laughing about poop sandwiches.

Me: "No really, what do you want for lunch?"

Brecken: immediately laughs harder and says, "a poop sammich, mom!"

Me: "That's not funny...How about a corn poop sandwich?" (i can't help it, i'm easily amused and laughed at myself for a good 2 minutes)

Brecken: "corn poop, mom! please!"

Me: " how do you like yours? extra corn or extra poop?" i'm laughing at my stupidity by this point and the boys think i'm the coolest mom in the world...

Brecken: starts whining "mom i wanna poop sammich". and then laughs again...almost crying from laughing so hard.

Me: (staring in the fridge laughing and still can't find anything to make for lunch) a ha. PBJ sandwiches...now THAT'S a poop sandwich.

we eat our PBJ's...i ask brecken if he needs another pbj...he starts laughing and says, "no i need more poop sammich!"

he is now bawling at the table for "more poop sammich".

what kind of mother am I?

_____________________________________________

Sunday, September 04, 2005
wowsa.
Current mood: blah
too. much. wine. puking up bile sucks.

my boys practiced naked running this morning. back and forth from the kitchen to the stairs seeing how fast they could go...all i was required to do was say "that sure was fast" a few times, THANK GOD. Streakers....

Currently listening:
Hello Rockview
By Less Than Jake
Release date: 06 October, 1998

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Saturday, September 03, 2005
you cannot leave the subject blank.
Current mood: tired
my arm pits hurt from doing pull ups in park yesterday a.m. OUCH! Ryker has a stuffy nose, big time. poor guy. and he's coughing now-great. why do my kids get sick when the clinic is closed? every. damn. time. i'd give him some more cough &
cold but SOMEONE, my guess is BRECKEN, dumped it all over the kitchen floor last night and got rid of the lid. too bad the container was laying there in the purple pile as a dead giveaway. So much for child-proof lids.

________________________________________________

Friday, September 02, 2005
2 blogs in one day
Current mood: nerdy
Mandy™ i'm official now.

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Friday, September 02, 2005
wanna dance?
Current mood: awake
this morning i practiced my karate. brecken about peed his pants laughing at me. I also tried to dance to the Flaming Lips during breakfast. Ryker found it entertaining, nodded his head while i performed...God, I love my boys.

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Thursday, September 01, 2005
Dear Blog.
Current mood: bouncy
You lost my first blog. you mean mean guy.

Love,

Mandy

Currently listening:
Tenacious D
By Tenacious D
Release date: 25 September, 2001

Thursday, September 22, 2011

i'm waiting on you...

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

.here.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

gimme 5...times 2.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

ksssssshhh.

Friday, October 30, 2009

to whom it may concern:

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Myspace- MyMind